372 · Rollergames

• STOP THE MOST BARBARIC CRIME WAVE ON BALL BEARINGS
• RollerGames debuted in 1989 as a more theatrical take on roller derby, featuring a figure-8 track and modified rules. The teams were T-Birds, Violators, Maniacs, Bad Attitude, Rockers, and Hot Flash. The show lasted one season due to syndicator bankruptcies.
• Bill Griffiths Sr. served as commissioner, while his son, Bill Griffiths Jr., managed the L.A. T-Birds, who sought revenge on the Violators (led by Skull) for cheating in the Commissioner’s Cup.
• Yes, the television show "RollerGames," which aired in the late 1980s and early 1990s, was a scripted form of sports entertainment, similar to professional wrestling, featuring storylines, characters, and staged events.
• Game Overview
• The NES version is a side-scrolling platformer featuring characters from the TV show but unrelated to the actual sport.
• The plot revolves around a mysterious alien aiding the Eastern Empire teams (Violators, Maniacs, Bad Attitude) and their managers (Skull, Guru Drew, Ms. Georgia Hase) in sabotaging the sport and kidnapping Commissioner Bill Griffiths.
• Story Setup
• Announcers Chuck Underwood and David Sams introduce the game, explaining Griffiths' capture.
• The Western Alliance (T-Birds, Hot Flash, Rockers) must rescue him.
• Shelley Jamison prompts the player to choose a team at the start of each stage.
• Playable Characters
• T-Birds: Robert Smith ("Icebox")
• Hot Flash: Vicki McEuen ("Sly Fox")
• Rockers: Mike Flannigan ("California Kid")
• Gameplay Mechanics
• Stage Structure
• Each stage consists of a combination of combat and platforming challenges.
• Odd-numbered stages have a time limit and require players to fight through enemies and defeat a boss.
• Even-numbered stages (except the final one) focus on avoiding hazards like barrels, flamethrowers, and helicopter bombs.
• Combat System
• The player can attack enemies using punches or kicks.
• Momentum affects combat—attacking while moving is more effective.
• Each skater has different attack animations, but similar effectiveness.
• Obstacles and Hazards
• Players must avoid pits, moving platforms, and crumbling terrain.
• Special obstacles include conveyor belts, spike pits, and moving vehicles.
• The game features death pits—falling means instant death.
• Final stage:
  • Time-limited stage leading to a boss fight against a nameless villain.
  • Victory shows the skaters celebrating with Bill Griffiths and a congratulatory message from halftime commentator Wally George.
• Tips & Strategies
• Use momentum in combat: Attacks are stronger when moving.
• Be cautious with jumps: Many areas have instant-death pits.
• Memorize enemy patterns: Bosses and enemies have predictable movements.
• Stay centered on obstacles: Conveyor belts and platforms can throw you off.
• ARCADE GAME
• Scoring & Gameplay Changes
• Scores are halved from the real show and rounded up.
• Each game consists of four 99-second cycles (instead of 45-second cycles within four 6-minute periods).
• Game Flow
• Players control two jetters.
• After referee Don Lastra's whistle, the first lap leads to the Wall of Death, where:
  • 3 steps between red lines = 1 point
  • Above the top line = 3 points
• Jet Jump:
  • Beyond 12-foot marker = 3 points
  • In front of marker = 1 point
• Main Scoring:
  • 1 point for passing/fighting blockers.
  • 3 points for lapping/fighting the opposing jetter.
• Winning: The team with the most points wins. Tied games go into extra cycles until a winner is determined.
• The alligator pit from the show’s sudden death overtime is not included.
• Progression & Completion
• Players must win each game to advance.
• Defeating all five teams triggers a credits sequence with the Commissioner's Cup and skater lineup.
• The game then restarts from the first team.
• Bonus Fight Sequences
• Fighting Game style combat occurs randomly to reflect in-game rivalries.
• Winning a fight grants extra energy.
• These fights do not impact the game score, only providing a small power boost to the winner.
• In 1999, TNN debuted RollerJam, which used the classic rules and banked oval track, but allowed inline skates (although some skaters wore traditional quad skates). Jerry Seltzer was commissioner for this version.

Auto-generated transcript. Each paragraph starts with its timestamp. Speakers are not identified.

00:00 Roller Games, stop the most barbaric crime wave on ball bearings.

00:21 Roller Games And welcome to NEStalgia, a chronological exploration of every NES game released in North America. I'm Mike. And I'm Sean.

00:33 Roller Games for the uninformed, which would have included myself. I don't know about you, Sean. Were you informed about this beforehand? This is just an amazing discovery I think we've made here. Okay, great. Because I think everybody who was alive for it probably buried it in their subconscious as well. So we're all going to awaken and remind ourselves that roller games was an actual television sport that debuted in 1989. Sport entertainment. Well, yeah, don't bury the lead.

01:07 It was a televised sport with a more theatrical take on roller derby. There was a, like a figure eight track and modified rules. And there were teams, the T-Birds, the Violators, the Maniacs, a team just called Bad Attitude. That's not like, that's not really a team name. That's just like a vibe. The Rockers and Hot Flash. Again, should have been like the Hot Flashes, but here we are. The show lasted one season due to bankruptcy.

01:40 Not that that's a surprise to anybody. But more importantly, as Sean said, this was sports entertainment. Sean, what does sports entertainment mean? Um, I mean, I feel like our show has a big crossover with wrestling fans. I know you like wrestling. I like... What are you saying about wrestling right now? I like stories about wrestling. I don't particularly like wrestling. Yeah, but what are you implying about wrestling right now? Uh, nothing. Good. It's just sports entertainment. But, uh, I think that if I was introduced to sports entertainment in this fashion, I would have been super into it. Like, this is my new favorite TV show. This isn't about the video game anymore, Mike.

02:22 Right, yeah. This is just, this is actually now a roller games podcast. Going forward, we're going to watch every episode and review it. And we're going to be like, um, like Dave Metzer and give scores about each roller derby team's matches against one another. I don't know if you know that, Sean, but there's a guy who reviews like every single fight in wrestling and has been doing so for like 40 years. Oh, wow. And he gives them a score out of five. And it's just like, it's just like, it's something that like, either you know that it's done and you're like a religious follower of it, or you know that it's being done. And you're like, why is somebody doing this? Like, I can form my own opinion on what I thought of the fight.

03:02 I mean, I think you kind of do something like that, but I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna throw you under the bus. Well, I do something like that for almost anything, but it's always, keep in mind, not something that I share mostly with other people. I guess you could argue the essential games list.

03:17 You're right. We're not giving a score, right? We're not. At the end of the episode, should we give a score for roller games? A binary opinion. At the end of the episode, we'll just give like a score? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll give it a score. Out of a thousand?

03:27 Out of whatever you want. Out of a thousand seems fair. This way we can do it. You can do it out of a thousand. I'll do it out of something else. Okay, cool. Yeah, that way they'll know, you know, like, oh, that's the Sean scale. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. What's funny is, as I was looking up stuff about roller games, obviously I start with the video game because I don't think it's based on anything. Then I find out it's based on this sport, and I'm just reading about the sport, and this caught my eye. Bill Griffith Sr. was the commissioner. Uh-huh. So I'm looking at the list of the teams and their managers, and Bill Griffith Jr.

04:00 Is the manager of the Los Angeles T-Birds, and I say, wait a minute, that sounds like a conflict of interest. And all of that, all of those fears were put to rest when I finally just said, well, I just need to see how this show even went down. And man, am I glad that we have the Griffiths to save us from the likes of the violators led by the evil skull. Mr. Mean. Yeah, you're right, you're right.

04:30 There's just so much, like, this is peak 80s. Like, this is, I know that there's, like, you know, also American Gladiator to think about the shows like this, but, like, when I turned this TV show on, it was just like you are immersed in it. Like, I thought that if I looked out my window, I would see, like, I would see, like, Marlboro ads everywhere and just every person walking down the sidewalk to have some really, like, hair sprayed out, like, feathered shit going on. Like, I thought I was there. Like, this is so good.

05:08 And you mentioned wrestling as another form of sports entertainment, and you just brought up American Gladiator. Those two, and specifically wrestling, like, wrestling will have, you know, funny characters, right? People that have, like, either a quirky personality to them or kind of a gimmick about them. But for the most part, like, the really strong macho guy is usually the one fighting the other really strong macho guy for the, you know, the world championship, the thing that, like, has it all on the line.

05:45 That is not true in roller games, and I knew that the second I saw the teams come out. These people, first off, there are people on the team that are, like, 70 years old. Well, those are the OGs. Those are the OGs roller. Because apparently roller games was also a thing in, like, the 60s and stuff. Those people would have had to have been playing in the 30s.

06:05 But, no, I just mean, like, they don't look the most athletic. They don't look like they got the cream of the crop. Yeah. Just to keep going on the show, like, this looks like a sport that they just pulled people off the street to play. Like, I think regardless of whether you follow hockey or football or soccer, like, you can, there's, like, an, there's a subconscious, like, oh, wow, these people make the bodily movements that they're doing look good and measured and graceful in some capacity. Like, it looks like they are executing something athletically. That is not what's happening here.

06:50 When you watch these people. Is this even roller derby? Like, I've never seen roller derby. But this is some sort of offshoot of roller derby. It's so funny. Yeah, this is definitely different than roller derby. Because, remember, roller derby, like, the real stuff doesn't traditionally have a wall of death or an alligator pit. Well, yeah, the wall of the alligator pit for sure.

07:16 Well, you know, I wouldn't be surprised. But, actually, I did go see an all-women's roller derby last time I was up in Buffalo. And it was just, like, spontaneously done. Like, I didn't prepare. I didn't buy tickets for it or anything. I was just, like, at this, like, open space to drink. You know. Yeah, you were at Riverworks. Riverworks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't want to, like, you know, I didn't want to, like, dox the bar.

07:45 But that's a joke. But, you know, and I was watching it just, like, casually. And I was, like, wow, this is really exciting. Like, it's kind of weird that they saw roller derby and were, like, we need to amp this up. Like, we need to definitely dial this thing. Yeah, that was my thought. Like, I thought roller derby was already, like, amped up. Yeah, it's aggressive, too. It's very physical. There are, like, you know, hip checks and, like, little tricks you can do to wipe out your opponent and stuff. So it's there. They just felt the need to take everything to the next level, including the personalities. These are, like, cartoonish levels of acting. So cartoonish. But, yeah.

08:23 But, you know, it's also, like, they're just not convincing me the same way that, you know, like, Macho Man Randy Savage Right? Who, like, now is cartoonish by, like, the wrestlers we have. Right? Like, he was clearly, you know, just overdoing everything. But, like, back then that was, like, yeah, I want to be Macho Man. I still want to be Macho Man. Well, yeah. I would love to just wake up tomorrow and be Macho Man. Yeah. Mostly for the Slim Jim endorsement.

08:55 But, you know, I guess what I'm trying to say is, like, and this is probably true in many sports, but, like, the cheerleaders look like they are in better shape than everyone who's on the field. That's true. And I do like that they all get their themed cheerleaders, even though I think you called one of the teams the Los Angeles T-Birds. I think they're all Los Angeles, by the way. Yeah, I don't know why I did that. I think that was from, that was a Wikipedia leftover. But I appreciate that they are so themed that, like, even the cheerleaders will, like, get into the fights on the court, the field, the track.

09:34 Like, their managers are, like, a heartless entertainment lawyer and some kind of weird biker gang, I guess. Not even just a biker gang leader, but he's a, okay. Okay. He worships a head in a box of some long dead god. I guess, like, did you see this in the... Yeah, I mean, we saw the same episode, but, yeah, I don't know. I wouldn't know the word for that.

10:09 I guess pagan. Pagan. There we go. But, you know, with all of these, like, not only are they so hyped up and everything, but it's also, like, it's just assumed on episode one, right? Of this brand new sport that, like, you would know the ins and outs and the storylines and the play. Like, they don't do a lot of, like, setup. I think they're trying to sell that there is more history to this than there is.

10:39 Right. Like, oh, there's something about, oh, he'll be in the Hall of Fame, or he's a 19-year vet. Like, has this... Like, there's no way that anyone has been playing this sport for 19 years as it is right now. Like, they're making up, like, a world for you to buy into that they would hopefully... This is just me guessing. That they would then hopefully be able to, like, play off of for many seasons, but we only got the one, obviously.

11:07 Yeah. Okay. So, and then, like, you know, most of the rules still kind of are in relation to roller derby in the sense of, like, how many people you pass are worth a certain amount of points. Oh, so that's real? That's real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Because I was like, how do you even score in this game? Like, they kept showing the score. I'm like, when did they score? Like, it's like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, I don't know the ins and outs of this particular... Like, I think the exciting thing about roller games is it's kind of like...

11:40 And, you know, maybe you didn't have this experience, but, like, when I was a kid, no one ever, like, sat down and explained the rules to me. So, like, I would watch people watch basketball or football or whatever. And I would just have to, like, learn the rules after watching, like, game after game and be like, oh, that's what causes a first down. You know, it's like nobody ever, like, explained to me. Like, yeah, they got to get 10 yards. Like, all of a sudden, I'm just like, oh, it's a first down. Oh, because of the 10 yards. Got it. Like, I'm five years old. I'm figuring this shit out.

12:08 And that's kind of like what roller games is like, right? You're like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. And all of a sudden, you become an expert. You're just like... I think, okay, aside from the lines that they have to get up to... To score, like, six points as opposed to two points on the wall of death.

12:25 It is... It is not... It is not cogent with how it explains the rules. Like, with something like basketball or hockey or football, it is displayed in a way that you can see most of the action where it's, like, needed to be seen. And you can... That kind of, like, allows you to form that context and see, like, oh, you're not going to be seen. Oh, that makes sense. Whereas this is just, like, going from action shot to action shot to action shot. You can't... Like, at no point do you... Are you able to situate yourself? And I don't think that's the point. Like, the point of the show is to just be a spectacle.

13:08 But if it were shot, like, a regular, like, league sport... Yeah, it needs that bird's eye view. Yeah. Then maybe. But it doesn't do that. Yeah. Well, the good news is that, like every other sport that I can think of, the team with the most points at the end wins. Yes. So that's good. You just have to follow the points. However, if they tie, then, unlike most sports, they open up the alligator pit and you go to sudden death.

13:38 And my favorite thing about the alligator pit isn't even the alligators. It's the alligator handler model. What was his name? Animal? Animal. He's, like, some Tarzan bodybuilder dude that they interview. And, like, every interview was just, like, anger. And even, like, the alligator handler's, like, angry. Like, I don't know why people don't want the alligators. They belong here just as much as us.

14:02 Like, what? What? So with all of this lore, right, between all the different teams and this whole new way of playing roller derby. We're getting a sports game, right? Yeah, yeah, right? Wouldn't we just get a faithful translation of this, you know, crazy roller derby game that they came up with and televised, and now it's going to be you can play it at home, kids, on your NES? I can see the commercial.

14:27 Yeah. But it's not that. It's a side-scrolling action platformer featuring the teams from the show, but it's completely unrelated to the actual sport, other than the fact that, like, they use the, you know, the teams and the managers to kind of, like, tell this complicated story. Yeah, those are the bosses or something, yeah. Yeah. And then, yeah, I mean, I wouldn't even describe it as, like, a beat-em-up, almost. Like, you've got the same kind of combo systems at times. Like, I mean, you kind of go between that and the standard platforming, but always on roller skates.

15:09 Yeah, it's like, it's the odds and even levels, right? So the odd levels are the beat-em-ups, and then the even levels are, like, the platformer, like, you know, dodge these things, and you'll continue on. Like, the Battletoads, like, uh... Hey, how could you talk about that if we haven't done that episode yet? Oh, well... No, I'm teasing. It's fine. No, you're right. No, let me get back in the character of someone that's never played Battletoads. I've never seen it done before.

15:37 There you go. Thank you. And, you know, since there is a lot of, apparently, history to roller games, and there are feuds between the good teams, like the T-Birds, and the bad teams, like the Violators. Yeah, the baby faces and the heels of roller games. It would make sense that we could do just a simple plot around that idea, right? Of just, like, the Violators are up to no good, and it's up to the T-Birds to take them down. But instead, the plot revolves around a mysterious alien aiding the Eastern Empire teams. That's the Violators, the Maniacs, and Bad Attitude, for those keeping score at home. It's like the Atlantic Division.

16:16 Right, right. And they are sabotaging the sport and get a load of this. They have kidnapped Commissioner Bill Griffith. I really wish that there was, like, a football version of this, where, like, the underground people have captured Roger Goodell, and your party of Pat Mahomes, Josh Allen, and Joe Burrow have to go and save him. But it's like a rhythm game, and you have to get a DDR pad to play him. I say this sincerely. I don't wish ill on anybody. But, like, if you're a kid, or you're even you, Sean, right? It's 2025. I am me.

16:57 Sean, yep. You're you in this scenario. And you find out that the whole game revolves around saving Roger Goodell. Are you gonna see it through? I mean, no. That was, like, where I started with the joke, and then I kind of went off the rails. Just like this game? Yeah. No, I think it... No, the game was never on the rails.

17:22 Yeah, you should have skated on rails. Should have been, like, a rail shooter with a game skateboarding. Not skateboarding. Rollerblading. Skateboarding's next week. Oh, yes. Such an extreme month. So with the... You get to choose between the three teams. You get the T-Birds, the Hot Flash, and the Rockers. You get to play as one particular character from each of them. And there's no difference. There's no, like... There's no stat boost or whatever. It's just, like, you're just picking that team.

17:56 What do you think the reason is for that, right? Like, that's weird. I mean, I could have sworn that Hot Flash Girl was faster. Well, she's just great at everything she does, Sean. That's true. That was my main character, but... Yeah, that's the only character in the game as far as I'm concerned. But, like, I was fighting this... This is as far as I got in the game. I was fighting a jet... A jetpack... Not jetpack. A jetski boss. Okay. Which I think is level five.

18:32 You were so close. Yeah, yeah. And I just... I hit the jetski almost every time it jumped over. And it just wasn't happening. Like, it would not finish the fight for me. And I have to imagine, like, oh, she seems faster, but maybe she also doesn't hit as hard. And, like, I have to play this level as one of the... Like, the rocker or the T-bird to do it right. Like, I thought it was just a... I thought that was the difference, but maybe I'm completely wrong and that was all placebo.

19:08 Apparently, it's placebo. Damn. I didn't do enough playtesting to confirm because, again, if you don't pick the hot flash, what are you doing? Exactly. But here we are. And I... And you beat it, so... Apparently, yeah, it's just that the... They have different attack animations, which helps, like, sell the difference, right? Like, oh, you know, like, I think...

19:30 I don't know if this is exclusive to the hot flash, but there's this one move during the, like, you know, when the enemies, like, lock into place... When the screen locks into place and the enemies just keep flying out, where you can, like, grab them and start, like, bashing them with your knee. Like, you hold them by their backs and you bring them into your knee and you hit them, like, four times. That's a... You know, I buy that move. I'm like, ooh, that's doing some damage.

19:56 They do that with the other characters, too. Okay. But the other animations and, like, the other punches and stuff, they could do a better job selling this stuff. Yeah. I think, um... A lot of it, too, is, like... They got the movement right. I think that they... It feels like I'm on roller skates. So, no complaints there. But the... Between, like, the hit detection and...

20:25 Um... Like, just because you can only, like... When you're in the... When you're in the more beat-em-up mode, you can only punch to the left or the right. I know that's, like, a normal thing with beat-em-ups. But it... Especially with how... Kind of... Difficult this game can be, too. Like, there's a... There's a lot to be desired in how that version of the game feels.

20:50 Yeah. And you can also... Um... You can do the jump, uh... As well during the beat-em-up stages and stuff. Jump kicks, yeah. Yeah. Jump kicks and stuff. Uh... You know, it's not a huge variety, but also, like... I don't know. You're not necessarily overwhelmed by enemies, right? This isn't the kind of game where, like, the solution by the game to make things harder is just give you more enemies. No. It just becomes, like... It becomes more... It becomes trickier to skate around.

21:18 Yeah. Well, we should talk about the bosses separately, but I guess I'm just... I'm saying, like, the beat-em-up stuff, it's not, like... It's not... It's not very complex, right? No. It's also... It doesn't overstay its welcome at any point. These aren't, like, incredibly long stages. Yeah, this is a short game. Yeah, you just...

21:37 Again, this isn't praise for it, but it is just kind of, like, you do it, and then, thankfully, you get to, like, you know, you switch it up with the even-numbered stages where, you know, essentially you're just avoiding whether it's barrels, flamethrowers, helicopter bombs. Like, you just are dodging all these things instead, and that becomes more of, like... I guess what I wanted to see out of, like, if we're gonna, like, leave the sport, just a more focus on, like,

22:05 rollerblading and, like, using that to your advantage. Like, I know it sounds weird, but I don't really understand, like, why we're just throwing punches when we could be doing, like, you know, like, skate at the person and then, like, you know, toss a leg out and trip them, and that would deal damage, you know? Like, I guess I'm thinking... Well, you're getting... ...more like the kind of tactics you would use in the game. Yeah, you're getting to, like, the real core of what's wrong with this game, and it's... ...that it doesn't... it should not exist.

22:35 Um, that the fact that you're... Like, yeah, if we're going from the roller derby-esque sport to this, and we don't even really have that much... There was only the one season. There's really not even that much, like, star power here. Um, but they're... They're selling it as that.

22:56 Because that's all it has to put... To tie it to the show, is that, oh, these are the characters. If they did have things that, like, tied it more into roller... Rollerblading, like, all we get for that tie-in is the fact that... If... Like, you... You actually have a little bit of momentum, and you need to build momentum when you're platforming. Um, or when you're trying to fight somebody. Like, it almost kind of goes away in the fighting sections, and it's more so... Uh, when you're trying to navigate, like, in the more, like, platforming areas.

23:33 Um, but... Like, the game doesn't have any real connection to its namesake. Yeah, yeah. But even just anything, like... Anything to spice up the video game portion of it, too. Like, obviously, they have made it now this, like, fantastical adventure. But, you know, again, like, if you're playing as the Rockers, right? Like, maybe they're... Maybe they're a little faster, but they take more damage. But you'd be able to clear stages faster, so you don't have to worry about fighting everybody. Like, there's... There's really no, like... There's nothing to, uh... Differentiate the gameplay other than the forced, like, this level is this, and the next level is something completely different, and then we just keep rotating those two ideas.

24:18 Uh, I... I think, like, there's... There's obviously not a lot to even do with rollerblading here. Forget about roller games, right? But just even, like, you could... We've seen with, like, Skate or Die, which we're gonna do Skate or Die 2 next week. Uh, we saw that, like, you know, that had a huge emphasis on, like, skateboarding and, like, the momentum and physics of that and everything. And it wasn't, like, realistic or anything, but it took into consideration being on a skateboard. I feel like being on these rollerblades doesn't matter. You might as well have just been running.

24:52 Yeah, and again, like... It's a little slippery, but it's just so... Like, it's so inconsequential. Yeah. It's inconsequential, aside from when it turns into real, uh, frustration in platforming, because, like, you do need to get that momentum. It's there. It's just not executed well. And so do the bosses make up for that? Absolutely not.

25:18 I don't think so either. Uh, I'm not trying... Like, again, it's nice to just not have the bosses just be, like, and here's ten enemies, right? It's nice to have something to switch it up. Again, it's just, like, it doesn't change anything about the combat. It doesn't make you, like, think outside the box. It is just deal damage now to this larger, uh, enemy that, uh, is capable of doing more damage to you. Yeah, and it doesn't even seem like these... Like, if they tied them more into the supposed other teams that are fighting against you, um...

25:57 And it felt like, like, oh, this is... Like, is that kind of ostensibly what's happening? Like, are these the managers of the other teams? I believe those are the managers of the other teams, which we might as well say, uh, their names are Skull, Miss Georgia Hayes... Miss Georgia Hayes... And Guru Drew. Guru, yes. It just, like, I guess, like, they're there. It doesn't really, like, feel like there's any thematic connection to them. It's just, like, they're also on screen.

26:31 Um, but I think if we're gonna talk about the bosses, I seem to describe my least favorite boss, which is, um... I guess this is Miss... Miss What's-Your-Face, but... Miss Georgia Hayes? Miss Georgia Hayes, or... I don't know who it is, but you are underground, or, like, in a factory, and you're just fighting a dude, um... On this, like, on a top level of a catwalk, and then one level below this catwalk... Is this purple person who may or may not be Miss Georgia Hayes... Oh, I thought it was... I thought it was Guru Drew.

27:06 Maybe, or may or may not be Guru Drew, um, like, with a... with, like, a trident, or, like, a glaive, or something, poking through... And this, like, just the fact that the whole fight is this guy jumping at you, and this... This thing poking up at you from below... It's probably the most annoying boss of the whole game. Probably the most annoying part of the whole game. Um, just because there isn't really much more to the game.

27:37 How do you think? I do like that you get to, you know, give it to him, though, after you clear out the other benefits. That's true. That's true. You know, it would suck if it was just, like, beat my ten minions while I poke a stick at you through the grates. Yes. And then, you know, the ending is the ending. You save the commissioner. Great, uh, roller games can go on. Yeah, and then you just sort of... You just rollerblade off into the sunset. Yeah, yeah, right? Uh, see you on the next season of roller games. After that, like, SportsCenter knockoff guy says, like, you're... you did it. Are you talking about halftime commentator Wally George?

28:17 Maybe that's his name. I think so. I think it is. He was probably one of my favorite moments in the actual show, which is, like, it almost felt like it was trying to sell, like, oh, this is, like, a serious sports show. And then I think Miss Georgia Hayes comes on, and he just leans into her.

28:37 You know, I don't want to talk about this show so much, but I'm going to do it right now again. Yeah, that's all right. At the beginning of the episode, there's a song that's being sung about roller games. Rock, rock, rock, and roller games? Yes, yeah, yeah, exactly. I never got the impression that that was being performed live, but then they cut to that guy in the crowd who's singing it. In the leopard print suit, yeah. Yeah, as if he's singing it with the crowd or whatever, but it's clearly not live. Like, he's lip syncing at the very least. But, like, what is the audience experiencing at that moment? I think that the audience has been coached.

29:17 The reactions that these people have, the signs that these people carry, are not possible with the product that we're seeing. With one episode in the bank, right? Yeah. Uh, so, I think that they've all been told, like, this is like going to a late night show, which, if you've ever done that, they have very small crowds that are easy to manage. They're easier to say, hey, clap here, please. Yada, yada. But they're doing this at, like, a stadium scale. Or at least the lower bowl of an arena. Uh, which is impressive. But I do still think it's this, like, this, this coaching behavior.

29:59 Yeah. See, the problem is, is that they didn't, they didn't, uh, they had to do it in, like, on, like, a sound stage, right? They didn't have the ability to take this thing on the road. But it would have been a bigger deal if they would have done, like, the Monday Night Nitro route and just, uh, put this inside the Mall of America. People are just, like, shopping and then, like, oh, yeah, this is going on. Like, that would be, that would be great. But, like, they do have a lot of people in attendance for this. No, I know. I think, like, literally they told everybody who works grip and everybody, everybody who, you know, they're like, bring your whole family. There's a lot of kids, yeah.

30:38 Oh, man. The guy in the leopard print sings another song around halftime, too. But, like, that's kind of exhausting to think that there's going to be, oh, no, wait, he sings the whole thing again. Yeah, he looks really exhausted, too. But you know what's crazy is, like, the idea that there's going to be a halftime show after, in the middle of every episode. Like, do you think that, like, okay, so, again, a little bit of backstory for the show.

31:01 Um, at the very beginning of the episode, two teams have already been eliminated. Like, we see them come out, uh, and be introduced, uh, just, like, for the character of the team. Like, I think some are, like, what are they, the, uh, the maniacs. And one is, I think, just these people. Oh, the hot flash is actually the team that wasn't even, that was already eliminated before the show really started. Do you think that they were ever, like, they actually performed earlier? And it'd be, like, this has just been cut for time? Or do you think that these are just actors that didn't even learn how to play the game?

31:45 I'm just gonna, if I'm, if I'm shooting roller games, it's expensive. I'm shooting multiple episodes a day. Okay. So I think they brought everybody out, and then they were just like, okay, cool, that's a wrap on episode one. Everybody get, uh, lunch, and we're doing episode two right after, you know? Like, there's, like, these people are not part of a union or anything. They are being worked to death. So you do think that they were never supposed to, like, there wasn't a game that eliminated them.

32:14 You know, if I could take the mask off for a second, Sean, it's, it's scripted, right? So there's no reason, right? Like, they're, they're, they're already coming up with the results, right? It's just, it's just a matter of, like, how deep. I wasn't, I wasn't playing with the mask. I was, I was just, I know that it's scripted. No, I know. So I'm saying, like, I don't think that they had to be there for that episode to help, like, build in the story or whatever. And then they're, you know, they obviously aren't, like, out for the entire season.

32:41 Okay. You're right. I only watched the first episode, but it was, like, a two-hour episode, so. Yeah. No, these things are long. Yeah. And one thing that, uh, at least the version I watched on YouTube and the video game have in common. What's that? They both run at 60 FPS. Yes. For whatever reason, the episode was in 60 FPS. And I was like, oh, this is great. It looks very good. I mean, it's, uh, it's videotape. So it really doesn't need to be, like, locked to anything. It's not like they filmed it. Yeah. It's just pretty, pretty great that, like, all NES games run at 60 FPS.

33:20 That is good. But again, it's, like, you know, it's hard to tell on CRT. Yeah, yeah. And it's also, uh, not entirely true. I mean, I'm sure it's still running at 60 frames or whatever. But, like, Gradius, you know, clearly wasn't if you loaded enough enemies in. Yeah. The clock. If there isn't any stress on the processor, then it'll run at 60 FPS. Yeah, yeah. Um, but, you know, games were just better back then is what I'm saying. True. Do you think we should have games that run at 48 frames per second to kind of get between that 30 and 60 thing? Oh, wow. I forgot about that whole conversation. That was a nuts thing that happened. Yeah. I'm glad it petered out. Yeah. Oh, wow. Very, very smart, Sean. That was an accident.

34:15 You know what else is very smart? Roller Games also made another video game for the arcades that is, like, a video game version of the sport. Wow. Why couldn't we have just gotten that? I don't know why we, maybe they just figured, like, eh, the NES is for kids. Let's give them something more, like, exciting. Isn't the whole thing for kids?

34:39 Maybe not the whole thing. Okay, so was the XFL for kids? Um, you're right. You're right. He Hate Me was very PG-13. Everybody can name one player on the XFL. Yes, He Hate Me. Yeah, exactly. I don't know why that stuck with everybody, but that's me as well. That's the only XFL player I could name. I think, uh, Tommy Maddox was in there, too, but that could be, that could be Mandela shit.

35:44 so now i'm not gonna say anything about the roller games arcade game because i didn't play it um but i did watch like a pretty extensive long play of it and the graphics are great first off

36:03 it it does this thing where like it still doesn't go for the and rightfully so it doesn't go for like the bird's eye view thing of like seeing the whole track you just kind of are like locked into the action part where essentially it's um you know like four on four where like uh you're probably playing as just one of these guys on your team but there are like other computer assists and then there are a bunch of uh the opposing team there's four at a time uh as well and you're like it's moving really fast like i don't know if you're watching it now sean but like the for the arcade game like it has like a great sense of speed it follows the rules of the game it feels like

36:41 it is a complicated sport to grasp but because it still embraces like the beat-em-up style of arcade video games i'd be inclined to say that this is like the way more interesting thing this is actually the one where i'm like wait a minute now i actually like joking aside about the fact that we got this totally random uh adventure game from roller games like i kind of wish we did get this on the nes even if it didn't look this good because it still looks like it's this is so weird i just pulled it up and like it literally is like if you were to boil this down to like remove all of the effects yeah yada yada it's it's just like a single screen beat-em-up but the background is just spinning at an insane rate

37:29 to make it make it look like they're there so that's that's your sense of speed there i guess there are any moment where you score yes yeah yeah and and there's there's oh here it is yeah yeah okay but what's funny is is yes sean to your point about like you know that's the only sense of speed it's like yeah the the it makes it look like the track is turning but nothing is

37:52 actually turning like you there's no bends in the actual track or anything that like affect gameplay you are essentially like on just a different plane than the background yeah it's very i i would like to play this game you can also get into fights in this game with the other uh team like you know like one-on-one like you would in uh wayne gretzky's 3d hockey or something uh but like it's actual like

38:21 it's weird to say street fighter because street fighter 2 didn't come out yet but it's like that style of fighting game combat uh and that's like wow that's really early for this wow okay yeah now we definitely gotta play this yeah i i gotta find i gotta find out who still has a cabinet for this yeah i know that there's a website for that for pinball machines where you can just like type in the pitball machine you want to play and it'll show you a map in the united states uh of where those are there should be like something that for arcades as well because i feel like there's a lot of

38:53 games that are just like obviously we have mame right we can play whatever we want but you can't really play it the same way as the arcade games like for instance they all had custom controls and yeah yeah exactly if they even like sometimes uh like light gun games right it's like yeah you can play it with like a wii zapper or with your own light gun but like some of those had like really fancy guns

39:18 that had like multiple different ways to like use them and stuff and i just think like that's all lost or even like um what are those those um buck hunting games like oh yeah there's a lot of like technology going on between the gun and the screen and the scope that you just can't do at home and so i would love to find a website that could tell me where i could play some of these arcade games

39:42 well i can i can tell you one one thing at least you'll you'll you'll never have trouble finding big buck big buck hunter but yes something like roller games uh yeah yeah if if there's somewhere in the tri-state area that someone can shout out please do in 1999 tnn debuted roller jam tnn tnn roller jam it used the classic rules of roller derby including the banked oval track not the figure eight track from roller games uh but it allowed um inline skates oh this is more for me yeah no more of the quads so now now the speed was going on although is that

40:31 a known thing you can just you can always go faster with inline versus quad or is that like more of a skill thing uh i mean you can't really like bank or anything on quad because there's nothing to bank on so i would imagine that i've never roller skated i've only roller bladed so i really don't know the like the mechanical difference but i just know that you you would have to slow down to turn on skates just right mechanically yeah yeah uh but i didn't watch any of roller jam so we can't do another 30 minutes on that but my understanding is roller jam is not sports entertainment it's a sport

41:14 well at least it kept up the facade of being a sport uh yeah unlike the nfl which uh the curtain has fallen clearly scripted clearly scripted why would the buffalo bills do that well i can tell you one thing that's not scripted mike and what's that i don't know you told me the essential games list

41:46 roller games is very interesting uh because if you play the video game now like in 2025 and you don't do any research you wouldn't necessarily know from this nes game that it is licensed in relation to anything you would just think wow they created this whole like roller derby world where like everything is on skates and um you know uh that's not gonna cut it here uh that's not gonna be enough uh of an intrigue uh yes it's it's of note to me like i got i got a lot of enjoyment out of this

42:24 just between the wacky disparity between uh the game and the game show but uh ultimately roller games the video game is offering like just a uh baseline video game experience if that makes any sense it qualifies for uh being a functional video game it doesn't go really anything beyond that the game said in the manual that i should be ready i should get ready to be rocked rattled and rolled and i didn't feel any of those sean yeah this is one of those games that like sometimes i'll get into the headspace of like

43:06 what if some future civilization found this single piece of media and this was it like this was this was all that was left and i think that this would probably be one of the more confusing entries uh just because of how how many uh degrees of separation that this is from one what it's based on two what what it's based on is based on and three just like the whole concept of roller derby as a sport that really that popular not really that like well known um it's it's so weird and the fact that

43:49 they turned what ostensibly would be a uh a cool idea for a sports title into basically uh double dragon non-skates is just beyond me i don't know i don't know maybe they had like something in the works already and just decided to brand it this way uh i that's what i have to think about because the game itself really doesn't have much going on like i did i did mention that some of the the movement felt cool like it kind of felt skatey but that lasted maybe 10 seconds and then the game just sort of like

44:26 turned into what mike said just like that baseline video game experience um so yeah not essential at all but roller games is not my favorite show so oh yeah roller games is an essential tv show it should be on the top 50 list of any uh yeah sports entertainment uh tv list of which there are at least 50 entries i'm sure hopefully now it's funny you mentioned uh double dragon with skates but like that's

44:55 really like if the game double dragon just had billy and jimmy on skates it would it would be still better than this game oh absolutely yeah and we wouldn't even talk that much about like oh why aren't they like skating right like why why don't why aren't they slippery or whatever it's like who cares like the rest of the game's great that's what the problem is is like they put these people on

45:19 skates barely did anything about it and then also didn't make a good beat them up on top of that it's true as i mentioned a few times this episode uh because it's on my mind uh we will be reviewing uh reviewing we don't do that we will oh we didn't give our scores oh that's so right uh forget what i was about to say because it was a flub anyway and let's talk about our scores uh mine's gonna be out of

45:44 a thousand and so i'm going to give roller games a score of 416 okay out of a thousand so my score it's more of an adversarial score um in the same scoring pattern as roller games itself um so imagine that this video game roller games is playing against roller games the show this is what the score would be um it would be 38 to 13 roller games the show wins yeah well absolutely we know your bias yeah uh yeah i think for what it's worth i think that like more things should be scripted

46:37 more things in life should just be scripted right like our show our show could benefit from being scripted the stock market the government and politics is scripted it's all been priced in since the beginning of time geological activity basically determinism in general should just be how we go about things the dinosaurs were scripted

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