380 · Caveman Games

• This game was originally subtitled the UGH-Lympics
  • UGHHHHH
• Manual refers to them as Cave-Athletes. Are NFL Players Mansion-Athletes?
• They never let poor Rudy join in any Caveman Games
• The bios for these characters, I ain’t reading all that
• The Games
  • Mate Toss
    • similar to the hammer throw, where the player has to spin their wife/husband and try to throw them as far as they can.
  • Fire Making
    • where the player races an opponent to create a full-burning fire.
  • Dino Race
    • where the player sits on a dinosaur and races against an opponent, avoiding obstacles on the course.
  • Saber Race
    • player races against an opponent avoiding both obstacles and the sabre tooth tiger running behind.
  • Clubbing
    • where the player faces off against an opponent holding clubs on a cliff, trying to club the other off the cliff sides or deplete their life meter.
  • Dino Vault
    • where the player has to pole vault over a Tyrannosaurus rex.
• Is this game better with the Flintstones Franchise?
• 🎮 General Info
• Title: Caveman Games
• Platform: NES (also released on Commodore 64, DOS)
• Release Year: 1990 (NES)
• Developer: Malibu Interactive
• Publisher: Data East
• Genre: Sports/Party Game (Stone Age Olympics parody)
• Mode: Single-player, 2-player competitive
• 🧱 Theme & Style
• Setting: Prehistoric times; exaggerated cartoonish caveman world
• Tone: Comedic and satirical
• Visuals: Chunky, expressive sprites; minimal backgrounds
• Music/SFX: Primitive drum-heavy soundtrack; goofy sound effects
• 🏆 Playable Events (Mini-Games)
• Each event parodies a modern Olympic sport in a prehistoric way:
• Clubbing
  • Players duel with clubs on a narrow platform.
  • Win by knocking opponents off or depleting their health.
  • Has timed blocks, swings, and a rage meter.
• Mate Toss
  • Like hammer throw, but you spin and throw your "mate" (a cavewoman).
  • Distance-based; comedic physics.
• Dino Race
  • Race on the back of a dinosaur.
  • Must dodge obstacles (like rocks, pits).
  • Button-mashing and rhythm-based timing.
• Dino Vault
  • Pole vault over a dinosaur.
  • Requires precise timing of run, plant, and vault.
• Saber Race
  • Sprint event while being chased by a saber-tooth tiger.
  • Jump and duck over obstacles.
• Fire Making
  • Rapid button-pressing to rub sticks and make fire fastest.
  • Requires stamina management.
• 🧍 Characters
• Each has a name and exaggerated traits, though differences are cosmetic:
• Krog
• Glunk
• Gronk
• Thag
• Vinny
• Ugha (only female character; often the “mate” in mate toss)
• 👾 Gameplay & Mechanics
• Controls: Vary between button-mashing and timed inputs.
• AI Difficulty: Simple but reactive in later events.
• Multiplayer Mode: Best aspect of the game; fun with friends.
• Replayability: Limited solo but decent in party settings.
• 📜 Humor & Presentation
• Tongue-in-cheek humor (e.g., mate tossing, caveman grunts)
• Caveman names and dialogue are intentionally silly.
• Over-the-top animations and reactions (e.g., flailing, pratfalls).
• 🧠 Legacy & Reception
• Critical Reception: Mixed to positive for humor; gameplay seen as shallow.
• Cult Following: Known for its absurd concept and party game appeal.
• Similar Games: Shares DNA with Track & Field and World Games.
• Clubbing
• The clubbing event is basically a side-scrolling stick fight—did it feel strategic, or like a button-masher?
• Was there any real way to block or dodge effectively, or was victory just about who swung first?
• Dino Race
• Did you figure out how to avoid the dinosaur throwing you off its back?
• Did the race feel balanced between player skill and random chance?
• Was the track’s design (with pits and jumps) satisfying, or just frustrating?
• Mate Toss
• How did you feel about the premise of literally tossing your mate—funny or just awkward?
• Did you ever figure out the perfect angle/power combo, or was it inconsistent?
• Firemaking
• Firemaking requires rapid button pressing—did this event work as a test of endurance, or was it a weak mini-game?
• Was there any satisfaction in figuring out the rhythm, or did it just feel like filler?
• Saber Race
• Did you manage to consistently avoid the obstacles and saber-tooth tiger, or did it feel like a luck-based sprint?
• How does this compare to similar timed chase sequences in other NES games?
• Dino Vault
• Dino Vault is arguably the most technical event—did you ever manage to time the jump correctly over the dinosaur?
• Was it clear how the mechanics worked, or did you have to trial-and-error your way through?
• Overall Game Design
• The events don’t seem to share a common control scheme—did this hurt the game’s cohesion?
• Some characters seem better suited to certain events. Did you notice any real differences in stats or just visual variety?
• With only six events, did Caveman Games feel too short, or was that enough for what it offered?
• Humor & Tone
• The announcer laughs at you if you fail

Auto-generated transcript. Each paragraph starts with its timestamp. Speakers are not identified.

00:00 Caveman Games, make your own headlines!

00:19 And welcome to NEStalgia, a chronological exploration of every NES game released in North America. I'm Mike. I'm Sean. And I'm Joe. Caveman Games, originally with the subtitle, Caveman Games, the Ugglympics. I saw that. That's so much better. Yeah, I wonder if the Olympics got involved. Because aren't there like, isn't there like, kind of like the Super Bowl, you can only call it the big game or something? Yeah, I guess that's true, but like the Olympics, like the Ugglympics, feels like it's like parody enough. Yeah, that's true. But you bring up a good point because Mario and Sonic are just getting away with like fraud, right?

01:02 Yeah, do you think they have a deal? They do. They absolutely do. But I think it'd be funny to pretend like Nintendo just like, wants everyone to assume they have a deal. So they're just like blatantly putting it in there. Like, yeah, it's Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games. Like, we talk to them. We're good. Cool. Yeah, Caveman Games, the Ugglympics. You guys like it. I don't know how I feel about it. It's fine. It's colorful, at least. But there's actually a lot of color in this game. The manual refers to all of the athletes as cave athletes. It's not really like a pun there. It's just another way to get caveman in there. Just a qualifier. Yeah. It's a qualifier. Are NFL players mansion athletes?

01:44 That's good. I like that one. Thank you. Okay. I'll be here all night. Or as long as you'll continue to not hit pause on the podcast, fellow listeners. We've got a few more jokes. Let me get it out of my system. You know, they never let poor Rudy join in on any of these caveman games. Oh, we lost them. Yeah. We are out of here. I'm out of control now. No. Realistically though, the bios for these characters in the game that you can play as, I ain't reading all that. That's a lot of stuff. You think you're in an RPG or something.

02:16 I like Gronk. There's Gronk and then I played as Uga, the Eastern European one. Because they all are from like a different, a different location. But I only read the Eastern European one and the North American one. And then I was like, okay, I can't read any more of these. Right. I'm here to play video games. Is it actually Gronk is his name? Like, like. I'm pretty sure it's Gronk. I think it's Rob. Gronk is his last name.

02:41 Yeah. It's like Rob Gronkowski is in the game. Like, anyway, let's see. We should talk about the game or the games. I should say, because, you know, we all thought the Olympics. The Olympics started in ancient Greece, but it was actually, what, 10,000 BC. And so you get to compete in long standing sports like mate toss, where you swing your wife or the one out of six chance to swing your husband.

03:12 Like a hammer throw would. Or the fire making competition where whoever can create the fire the fastest wins the game. There's races just like track and field. Except for this time, there's the saber tooth tiger race where it doesn't really matter who crosses the finish line. Just who doesn't get eaten by the saber tooth tiger first. Then there's the dinosaur race, which is not the same thing just with a dinosaur. And now you're on dinosaurs. So it's kind of like horse racing. Those are your dinosaurs. There's also obstacles on the course.

03:47 Clubbing, which is like Street Fighter. It's like jousting or sumo or Street Fighter. It's like Street Fighter. Or any of these. Yeah. These are great games. And last but not least, the Dino Vault, which is not like some Indiana Jones, you know, search for some dino treasure thing. You are pole vaulting over a dinosaur. Just make sure you get fully over or else the dinosaur will eat you alive. I guess my first question here is if you were tasked with, you know, coming up with a game concept that was playing with the long beloved franchise, not franchise, the long beloved genre of, you know, track and field Olympic stuff.

04:33 This kind of like what it had to be high concept. Like, where would you go with it? Cavemen. Hmm. Like that is the first thing that comes to your mind, huh? Cavemen. Yeah. Go back to where it all began. This is the most thematically dense window dressing that we can think of. I mean, for I'm trying to think because if you're if you're going for like the humor of it, I get. Okay. Caveman. But like, have we run out of real things? Like we had like winter games, Olympic games, and then like Snoopy. Like, caveman. But like, aren't there other real games? Like, come on. I can't think of any though. No, I think I think I go straight to caveman too.

05:18 You have to give them credit though, because it wasn't just like, okay, we drew all this caveman stuff and now we've got to like, you know, make a game. Have all these assets from that other caveman game we're working on. Right. But like, you know, the fire making one is probably like the best of like the caveman motif. Like the mate toss is a little strange. The mate toss out there. Like that's domestic abuse.

05:43 I like the the saber tooth brace because like that is different. That one works. Yeah, that's not just a reskin of like, oh, it's another race. You know, it's no, it's a it's is not get to the finish line. It's like avoid the thing chasing you. I kind of like that. It's like the whole I don't have to unwrite outrun the saber tooth. I just have to outrun you. And that's kind of you even they even amplify that with like, you can throw each other behind a little bit and like throw each other to the saber tooth. So like I like I appreciate the ones of these that are doing something that's not just a reskin of like other games.

06:20 I like the mate toss because it's probably like the most Mel Brooks of them. Like if we were watching like the history of the world, like I'm pretty sure that this is just like they just got the idea from like the the first marriage and it I don't know it just it gave me that that vibe and I like that in terms of caveman stuff. Yeah, I think that's what I was gonna say about all the games though too is like I think the caveman thing whether that's like the most obvious conclusion to go to for a collection of sports mini games.

06:51 It's the it's the comedic and satirical tone the game takes that makes it all work, but only for the actual gameplay. I think this whole like crude language stuff and like these bios and even like the way you know, you know, like there's like like they're actually doing like on the back of the box and stuff like me do dino activity. You know, it's like they don't have to talk like that. Like I didn't speak English anyway. I will say I will say that during the mate toss when I when I first threw it and it said like you said like 91 foot's I laughed out loud. Like that was pretty funny.

07:31 I like the way it gives like a thumbs down like yeah, like that. But when Mike sees like one of those like Geico commercials where the you know that caveman is just upset about being profiled like he's nodding along is like yeah. Yeah, why why don't you treat him with some respect?

07:50 I guess what I'm saying is is that it that that's that stuff wasn't as funny like they they could have done more with that. But instead it just feels like it's it's it's just there and it's not actually working in its favor like it's not additive. Whereas the games themselves what you know, we'll talk about the actual quality of the controls or the replay ability, but like the games themselves like when I saw the dino vault, I was like it's a pretty freaking big dinosaur. Like I'm really gonna vault over that thing. Like I'm impressed.

08:20 Yeah, I I don't I'm not sure if if this is agreeing with you or not because I'm not exactly sure where you're landing here. But I will say that I think I think my favorite thing about this game is the theme. I think that they did it. I think they made it charming. We're agreeing. Okay, rest easy tonight.

08:38 We're agreeing. We always agree. Yeah, so let's get into the events. What do you guys want to start with? Hmm. Well, we already kind of went over clubbing. Great. So clubbing is done. No, well, there's one thing we got to talk about. There's one really funny thing about clubbing.

08:53 You have to the well, I'm not sure if this is I'm not sure if we're doing this thing. Yeah, you have to do you have to intimidate first. There's an intimidating portion of the round where you do appreciate that there is an intimidation phase, but I don't understand how it works. What I don't either the the the one time that I ended up like gaining ground. I was just sort of wrote like kind of hitting the D pad in a circular motion and then just smashing a and B.

09:21 I don't know if any of that but what any of that was doing, but I did end up past the middle point. The computer found that very intimidating Sean that you spamming all those buttons. It was like I don't really know what he's up to here. Whatever you do just have to do with confidence. Right exactly. But yeah, I was talking about the Looney Tunes fall at the end. I think that's very important. I think that's a great addition and that's additive and notice how it has no flavor text to it.

09:47 I guess I like me go. Oh, that can't be the only way to win though because you also have like a health bar. Yeah, just just beat your opponent over with a club until they fucking bleed to death. Is that is it is there blood? There's no one beat them that way. You know presumably there's like blood clots going on. And you're fucking hitting them in the brain with a club. With a club. But also like to get on to a you know controls level you guys said that you weren't even sure about gaining intimidation ground or whatever.

10:19 I didn't actually find the actual combat all that interesting either though. I was joking that I was comparing it to Street Fighter. It's not that kind of game. It's just move and and attack with a club. And for the most part the computer seems to be a lot better at doing this than I am. Well, and this is this is where you know, I I jumped the gun here and talk about how I think all of these games these these mini game collections that we've had Olympic games winter games, you know, the Snoopy one, whatever that's called.

10:55 And they're like, they are just spectacular sports sports, something like that is sports spectacular. Yeah, but like none of them feel good to play. None of these games like there are some that feel better than others. But like, I don't think that necessarily this clubbing thing is a poorly designed game. Like I think I see how it works and like the kind of rock, paper, scissors of it.

11:16 Like when they go high, you go, you got to go low or whatever, but it's just doesn't feel good to play. It doesn't I don't feel like my input is being like recognized with like frequently. I feel like it's not being recognized or I feel like there's like lag or it just doesn't. It's not smooth. And that makes it like, yeah, this one particularly like the clubbing version. I'm just like, this is feels this is very frustrating.

11:44 Yeah, I don't there isn't too much complexity to any of them. And this one, you really just have to time out getting overhead hits. So he kind of you're going to get some some backwards stagger. And I think he's going to be stunned for a minute. And then when they try to do like the overhead hit on you, you just get some body shots in and that kind of that'll stun them there. And you just don't want to let that happen to you. Otherwise, you get a step backwards.

12:15 It's just that's it's simple enough. And yeah, I do. I did feel like my inputs got eaten a few times, but I was able to win. I won once, but I lost most of the time. Well, another weird thing about this game, as opposed to the other ones you mentioned, Joe, whether it's Snoopy or Winter Games, whether it's set in reality or in the cartoon world. None of these games so far have had an actual like character advantage, like a skill set.

12:47 This game introduces that via those long bios. It kind of tells you what they're going at and what they're not. And so there are like there are better characters to be per event. And that kind of like makes things weird when you're not just doing practice with whoever it's best to play as. And you're actually doing the full gauntlet of all the events because there's only like two that each character is good at. And then you could face another character who is just, you know, has has the better suit to deal with the clubbing or to, you know, faster on their feet for the saber tooth tiger race.

13:25 I, I, it's weird to say that like stats aren't welcomed in a game like this, but this game is mostly relying on like your skill as the player to put the, you know, to put the inputs down at the right time. And then to add like, well, you just weren't playing as, um, as Vincent this time, which is such a weird name for a, for a game man, right? Is there a joke I'm missing there? You got Krog, Glunk, Gronk, Thag, Uga, and Vim? Maybe that's the joke, you know? Yeah, I think that is the joke. Okay, yeah. Um, yeah, I, I just by random chance, so while, when selecting Gronk in that description, it said, he's just average at everything. I'm like, oh, perfect. I'm getting the whole thing. I don't have to play as a second character.

14:12 Perfect. Yeah. Average at everything. Don't we all want to be? Yeah. So that's clubbing. Uh, mate toss. Okay. Uh, Sean, you like this one. Why don't you take it away? I mean, excuse me. It's, um, it's just a typical, like, what do you call that? What's the actual thing? Hammer, hammer throw? Hammer throw. It's that, um, you kind of just got to get in a rhythm as you, uh, as you spin and try and keep that at a high rate while you're also holding down a face button, or I guess like the A button, one of those, um, to actually adjust the angle. And then, yeah, I would imagine you're trying to hit 45 degrees, uh, and then you're, you throw your wife, uh, as, as far as you can, and then she'll land, bounce a bit.

15:09 Yeah, there's a lot of, uh, domestic violence associations here. But when she gets up, she does, like, a weird, like, worm dance. So she's down. Yeah, she's in on it. Yeah. Well, she's, you know, she gets some of the prize money. She gets to take home some of that big, um, dinosaur meat. Is there dinosaur meat? I'm assuming that those are what the prizes are back then, since there's no monetary, uh, value back then on it. I would have assumed it was just some, like, big rock. Yeah, it's like, you get to sleep by the fire tonight.

15:40 The big rock sounds really cool, though. Actually, Sean, we're still chasing big rocks, right? Depends on who you are, I guess. But, like, some women still chasing big rocks. I just like jumping off of big rocks into water. I wanted to jump off of big rock into water when I was in Hawaii, but my body wouldn't let me. I'm sorry. Uh.

16:00 Uh, made toss, though, one thing I did want to say about it, though, is the way that you have to, like, build up the momentum, uh, is by, like, you know, going in a circle on the D-pad, you know? So up, left, down, right. Or just hitting left, right, left, right, left, right. Oh, you can do that? Yeah. I think you have to do the whole thing. That would make it easier. Wow. Nah. Yeah, I was doing the whole thing. It's why Emmanuel doesn't say that. Yeah. You gotta kind of match, like, what way you're spinning at that moment, and then switch at the apex or whatever.

16:30 Yeah. Would have been better, yeah. Dude, going the whole circle actually made it, like, a bit challenging. Kind of reminded me of, like, Super Mario 64 when you're, uh, grab Bowser by the tail and then you're spinning him around. Um. And make a hole in your hand? Yeah, you make a little hole in your hand and then Nintendo's like, we're sorry, have a glove. Uh, they sent everybody a glove. Um, which is funny.

16:52 But, uh, no, what I was gonna say was is that, so you're building up the momentum and that part's tricky enough, but then it's not like, it's not like in golf where, like, you've locked in a certain stat. No, you gotta keep that up. Yeah, you don't have to move into the next one. It's like, now you have to change the arc while you're doing the spinning.

17:10 And, I, I gotta, you know, I gotta say, I liked the difficulty there. There, there have been times, you know, Joe mentioned winter games. There have been times where, like, some of these things are, like, the things that I'm doing don't even feel like I'm doing anything. Like, the ice skating in winter games is, like, I don't know how to land. I've never successfully landed a trick in the ice skating game. But here, even though it was challenging, I felt good about it.

17:35 And I wanted to, like, oh, I know, I could just release that A button just a little bit more, get a little more arc on there. I could throw her a couple more feet or feet. Yeah, it feels a little bit like, like, tapping your stomach and rubbing your head or vice versa. Yeah, I think that this one, as much as it tires my thumb out, because, at least the way I was doing it,

17:56 this one feels, it's the least of a culprit of what I said before about, like, it feeling like the inputs don't, like, function as smoothly as you want. This one felt the most like a regular video game to me. And I think, yeah, this one was, like, the easiest to just get in there and, like, understand and do. So let's go over to the races.

18:21 The Sabretooth Tiger Race, we talked about what's interesting about it, where you're getting chased by the Sabretooth. But how is the actual, like, racing mechanics? And there's that one funny thing where, like, if you're close enough to your opponent, and they can do it to you, too, but, like, you can kind of, like, push them back towards the Sabretooth. Hey, this is your problem, buddy.

18:41 I appreciate something like that, because, again, you're not expecting much from these little mini-games, right? Everything is just kind of like, all right, these are the buttons on the controller. How can we get across this idea? But that's, like, another part of the, like, silly nature of the game. It's actually being, this game in general is being more silly than Snoopy's Silly Sports Spectacular. Yeah, I'd say so.

19:02 Um, but yeah, I liked the concept of this. I don't love, and I get it, because it's supposed to, like, I don't know, it might be harder to have a race like this if you're just holding the button, the right button. But, like, come on, button mashing? Like, just, you just gotta mash A as quickly as you can to move. And not to mention that it's gonna be, like, the next three games are like that.

19:25 They're like, this just, I don't know, it doesn't do it for me, that level of gameplay. Like, that is, that made me not like this version, or I'm sorry, this game as much as some of the other ones. But, like, it's, there's some interesting things about it. But, like, having to mash the button and then jump using B at the same time, it just doesn't feel good. I don't know, maybe that's what they're going for. They want it to be complicated and frustrating, but, like, I don't know, just let me hold right and give me some obstacles to slow me down so it's, like, intuitive. Yeah, I agree. A lot of the games in the genre do just the button mash. Sometimes they throw a little, like, alternate button mash to keep things fresh.

20:09 But this is just, I think, yeah, hitting the one button to run forward, hit the other to jump, or, I guess, to sabotage your opponent. And I like, like you, I appreciate the sabotaging, but, yeah, there's just not much else going on here. Yeah, I was for a moment convinced that, like, you had to at least mash the A button to the beat of the drum beat in the soundtrack. And I was like, well, that's interesting. But it was, I was imagining it. Next up is the fire making, which is, like, the only one that I can think of that's not, like,

20:44 analogous to another sport that's actually still around, right? Yeah. No, it's around. It's the final four. Competitive fire making. The final four immunity challenge in Survivor for the past ten seasons is fire making challenge. That's real? That's real, yeah. Wow. So they were working off of Survivor, which was around, you know, season negative 12.

21:06 Yeah. The fire, no, you know what I mean, though? It's like, the other ones aren't really that great, but, like, we can make a case that, like, this is a tiger race. You know, there's no race where, like, you have to not get passed by somebody. But, like, it's still, like, you know, just another version of track and field. The fire making thing is just, like, that's really leaning in on the caveman thing, which is almost like then you're expecting another one where you have to, like, draw on the wall of a cave, right? And you have to, like, you know, stick figure battle or play hangman or something because that would be, like, oh, you know, another thing cavemen did back then. It's like the fire making thing feels like a weak connection.

21:45 But I like this one probably the best out of all of these. It was simple input. There's still the idea of interfering with your opponent and smacking them on the head with the stick that you're trying to, like, kindle.

22:03 And it's like there's two phases of it, and you got to do different things depending on what phase you're in, whether it's, like, smoking yet, and you can, like, hyperventilate and go kind of crazy if you try to do it too fast and not match the rhythm. If we're going to make, like, a semi-rhythm portion of this game, I think it's a cool concept and probably one of the, at least the more unique games here. I like the concept, too, and I do like watching my opponent make fire. My confession is I have not made fire. I don't get it. What am I doing wrong?

22:49 I'm rubbing the sticks together. I'm getting the kindling, and then I'm blowing on it, but, like, I never get any smoke. You got to start fast with the blows and then end more, like, slow and steady. When do you switch to blowing on it, though? Once you see, like, multiple sparks just sort of resting on the wood.

23:13 Yeah, that's what I was doing, but I guess, I don't know. Maybe I didn't have the rhythm down. Gotta get that rhythm down. You do have to alternate between the two, though, too. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's not like, oh, now it's time to start blowing. You know, it's like you have to kind of go back and forth between rubbing the sticks and doing the... Well, once it gets into the red, you got to start blowing. Yeah, but then you might want to alternate between the stick rubbing and the blowing. This is so sexual. See, there's different strategies. This is so fucking sexual. Yeah, we're talking a lot about stick rubbing and blowing. I know. Yeah, see, the problem is you were rubbing your stick when you should have been blowing it.

23:52 Oh, I gotcha. And the last one, arguably, for me at least, the hardest one to do. I never got over this fucking dinosaur. The dinosaur vault. It's just challenging. There's not really a large window of opportunity here. I appreciate it, both visually and as a concept. And it doesn't ever look like your little... Like, you know, in pole vaulting, you have a huge pole that you... Yeah, we're coming back to the pole. You rubbed that huge pole. The Olympics make me so horny.

24:29 You got this large pole, and you're going to go over the, you know, what, the other poles? I don't even know what they fucking call it. Like, the beam pole. Yeah, you're going to go over the other one, so no problem, right? Because you can see it. It's like, you have to use that very large pole to vault yourself over. I get it. This doesn't look like it's big enough to vault over a dinosaur. Like, it's a bit of a stretch as it is. Well, this is a spring-loaded ancient stick.

24:57 Oh, yeah, lost technology. Yeah, actually, yeah. Lost technology, extinct plant life, bamboo back in the day used to have much more thrust. They were like springs. Yeah. And any, like, explanation, you guys can come up with one on your own, but any explanation why the dinosaur looks like that? Why does he have, like, that human-shaped head?

25:27 I don't know. I think that's what they looked like. They had, like, whole, like, neocortex craniums back there. The whole argument has always been about whether they had feathers or not, but turns out the real argument is whether they had a cranium.

25:43 And they don't eat you. They don't eat you alive. They just give you a nice little chew and then throw you into the ocean. Oh, yeah, they toss you out. Yeah. I'll be honest. I barely did this one. I feel like I put in my time with the Snoopy pole vaulting, and I felt like I deserved a break. Oh, right. You did. I like that you could, or how, like, I guess your partner would adjust the height of the dinosaur, whether you were trying to, like, get it to go down by putting meat in front of it, or I get, no, go down by jumping on the dinosaur. I guess this is sort of a tame dinosaur. That's why he doesn't eat you.

26:27 And you can, there's, like, a risk-reward for going higher, because I also like that there are multiple fail states, too. Like, he could eat you if your trajectory goes, like, straight into his mouth. But if you kind of miss even that, he'll grab you by the loincloth, and then he'll swing you naked into the water. So there's different ways to fail.

26:55 Do the events all having different control schemes help or hurt the cohesion of this game? I mean, I don't know. Like, in a vacuum, I don't think there's a problem with events like that. I mean, think of Mario Party. There's different control schemes in each of those things. I think it's just how they're handled. I mean, I think the cohesion is hurt because each time I pick up a new game, I'm, like, frustrated from scratch again.

27:23 You know, to varying degrees. There are some that aren't as frustrating as others. But I just, I think that, like, if you're going to have different control schemes for five different games, they need to all be good, and they need to all be somewhat intuitive or very clearly explained. Yeah, I mean, like, they do explain it in the manual. I had to open it up for a couple of them. But no, like, a game like this has to have variety, or it, like, why make a game about a bunch of mini-games if they're all going to control the same?

27:56 Unless, I mean, I could see it being, like, mini-games of goals, you know, where it's like, yeah, you just play like Mario. But in this one, you've got to collect a bunch of things. In this one, you've got to run from something. And in this one, it's an obstacle course, or whatever. Like, I get that. But yeah, I know that's not what they're trying to do.

28:23 I know that's not what they're trying to do.

28:54 Yeah, the note about the manual and learning how to play each of these different control schemes brings up a good point about just how they went about doing it in the manual. There isn't, like, a simplified version of, like, and here's the controller again, and here's what each button does. It's like, you really do have to read a lot of text to understand. And granted, you know, it's probably the clearest way to make sure everybody gets it. But there's no, like, quick reference thing. It is like, for instance, fire making.

29:24 Press A button quickly and repeatedly to rub your sticks together. The faster you rub, the faster the bar at the bottom of the screen will reach the red zone, at which point you'll begin throwing sparks onto the kindling. As sparks reach the kindling, press control pad down a few quick times to puff on the sparks and help them catch fire. You may need to alternate between stick rubs and short, quick puffs to get the kindling smoking. Once you see smoke, press control pad up to inhale and then down to blow on the fire.

29:49 Up and down in a steady manner will ignite the fire. If you inhale or exhale too fast, you'll hyperventilate and become temporarily immobilized, indicated by stars over your head. It's like, Jesus Christ, anything else? Like, am I supposed to be blind? Like, is this just like for...

30:05 Yeah, there's not a way to be like, oh, how do you inhale again? It's like, well, it's somewhere in this paragraph it tells me that. That's exactly what I'm getting at. I guess it would have been better if there was a shoulder button that you could press so that it would show the mini controls like Mario Party. But we just, you know, we're not... We're not there yet. It's not there yet. We need that extra button, guys.

30:29 And like Mario Party, okay, there are times where you want to play the board game. And there are mostly times where you just want to play like bumper balls, you know? I just want to go to that one mini game and play it. And Mario Party allows you to do that. This isn't just exclusive to party games. There are, you know, like think about like any baseball game that has a full season, right? That's like, that's the main attraction, but it's not really what people wind up playing the most, actually. They just like go into an exhibition with a friend or something.

31:00 Caveman games, I don't think I'm saying anything controversial here, but it's the kind of thing where it's like, it's kind of unnecessary to go through the entire... Like, I'm glad they're there for somebody who's skilled enough at this game. But if I ever pick this back up again, I'll just be jumping right to the practice mode and showing off, you know, the dinosaur vault or the saber-toothed tiger race, whichever one I think is... You're showing it off? Yeah. You know, like to the aliens... If he has like a dinner party or something. Yeah. When the aliens come visit, I gotta just let them know, like, hey, just so you know, this is where we started.

31:34 Mike, did you, uh, did you play this with... Or both of you, did you play this with anybody? I don't think you need to, but go ahead. I mean, that's, I think, where the fun would have been. I didn't either, but I can imagine it would be there. I didn't, but I think that... Yes, I think it would be more fun than it is if you played with someone instead of against the computer. Yeah. I'll play with somebody, but only if they agree to talk like the cavemen do.

32:01 Okay, real question. Is this just a better game immediately if this is the Flintstones franchise instead of just cavemen? Eh. Like, you pick your character, you get to choose between Fred and Barney and Mr. Slate and Wilma and Betty and Dino. You think Mr. Slate would be a playable character? No, he's an unlockable. You have to like... Yeah, yeah. You have to win the Uglimpics and then you unlock Mr. Slate. The Martian guy. Yeah. What's his name again? Yeah. Marty. It's not Marv. Yeah, it's not Marv. That's the Looney Tunes guy.

32:39 I think that it would be a different game. I think that it could be better for IP recognition. But I think you actually, oddly enough, would have to lose a lot of the caveman language and Ugg puns and foots and stuff because they don't talk like that in the Flintstones. Yeah, there would also be like a car race thing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And more machine jokes about little pterodactyls running your TV or something. Yeah, and someone would have to go, eh, it's a living.

33:17 That's what the wife would say in the mate talks. Yeah. Honestly, it's perfect. And then, what was the last thing I had on this? Oh, Joe, I did look it up. It's the Great Gazoo. That's the version guy. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Everybody loves the Great Gazoo. No one's ever said anything controversial about him or his inclusion in the Flintstones franchise. So, he's welcome at these races. Do people actually have an issue with him? The Great Gazoo killed the Flintstones. There's a Jump the Shark moment. Yeah. Oh, wow. I didn't realize that a cartoon could do that. Oh, yeah. It's insane.

33:53 Speaking of which, the Jump the Shark thing comes from Happy Days. Yeah. Everybody knows that, Mike. No, no, but did you know Happy Days had a cartoon as well? That feels like the Jump the Shark moment. You had an animated cartoon about the freaking live-action sitcom? Was the shark in the cartoon? You know what? That's a great question. Was the shark... Did the shark have a speaking role in the cartoon? I didn't ask a speaking role. No, I am. Oh, okay. You gotta take it to the next level. And we're gonna take this show to the next level by doing the Essential Games List.

34:33 Yeah, so I mean, like, look, there's some great humor in presentation here. I like... I do... You know, contrary to what I was saying about the actual, like, way cavemen talk, of which, of course, I'm a caveman apologist. You know, like, the actual theming of the events and everything is fantastic. Um, the over-the-top animations and, uh, the various reactions that you can have by failing or winning these events is great. It's, you know, the replayability of it all is probably limited into how much enjoyment you get out of this. I think that's what I was also trying to get out of with, like, the main mode being doing the entire Ugglympics. But realistically, the actual replayability is just, well, I'm really good at the, um,

35:20 you know, at the Sabretooth Tiger race. So I'm just gonna do that. Which is actually kind of funny to be good at that one because that's the one that's, like, the least, like, I could improve upon. Like, at least the other ones are, like, measuring something of, like, how many, uh, foots you, uh, you got across, uh, or, or how high you vaulted.

35:39 All that to say, it's not that I think, it's not that I think that they even made a bad game here. I think I was, like, thinking that when I first started playing this game, just, like, wow, I really don't have any appetite to play this kind of game. Uh, I've, I've seen a lot of these track and field style games already on the NES, and now this one's just caveman themed, which is, like, for me, never go back to the past, always go to the future. I'd rather have, like, some cyberpunk games or something.

36:07 But the actual just downfall of the game for me was just in how, like, just in how little I'm going to think about this game again after the fact. Like, these, all these things, whether they're good minigames or not, just takes, like, very little, like, to, to enjoy. And therefore, it was not, like, even though I was joking about, like, yeah, I'm gonna show people this. It's like, yeah, I'm realistically never gonna show anybody this. And I can't put a game on the essential games list that I don't even, like, think is, like, worth showing off. So, no. Caveman games, not for me. How about you, Sean?

36:44 Uh, real quick. There was one game that we forgot to talk about. But it's basically just, like, a horse race, but there's a dinosaur instead. Um, so, not really worth getting into. Um, but what I'll say about this game is it's preposterous to even suggest this might be on the essential games list. But, of the, uh, Olympic slash winter slash whatever track and field genre this is, this is my favorite of them. Uh, because at least it's, like, funny and has, like, an identity.

37:18 And it's, uh, I don't know. It's having fun with it. Whereas the other ones I felt were kind of the worst. Worst, I, maybe, maybe I don't say that on those episodes, but right now, thinking back, they're the worst. Um, but I think it's also just to sort of comment on what Mike said. I think it's a little, like, weird. Weird to only play, to, like, actually focus on one of these. Like, I think the only value that this game has is that there is all these different ones. And, uh, if you're playing with people, it only really makes sense to, to, like, let's see how we do it all of them.

37:58 Um, but yeah. No, not essential. Uh, yeah. Joe? I also had more fun with this game than I think I usually do with these track and field style games. And, but I didn't have that much fun with this game. So, like, I think that tells you where I stand with this style game in general. Like, I, I, I agree with you, Sean, that I think that, like, the, I think that what this game, everything good about this game to me is, like, about the presentation and the, the, the humor that it has. But, uh, even, like, the, the stuff that I appreciated with in, in some of the mini games

38:36 isn't enough to make me think that, like, these are really fun to play in any way. So, like, I, I don't know. Maybe I'm just, like, really negative on this style game. But I, I just don't, I don't get why, why we're still making these. I, I just don't have fun with them really, really at all. But, uh, but yeah, it's, it's a pretty game. You know, there's, there's, there's good presentation. There's fun stuff. And I'm, I'm looking right now at the, uh, the, um, the one that we forgot to talk about, the dinosaur race.

39:03 Um, beautiful sky in that, uh, in that part. So I have, I have nice things to say, but not essential. So, and while we're praising the presentation of it all, uh, you know, I, I just don't like the way this, these games, these kinds of games look on the NES.

39:23 Like, I, I, I'm, I'm, animation is great here and, you know, reads funny slash I can understand what's going on at all times. But, like, I just don't like the way that the game looks. And I wonder why that is. And it's not like, it's not universal either. Like, for some reason, like, your characters are more detailed in the fire making than they are in the mate toss. Like, do you know what I mean?

39:47 Well, I mean, you're, like, it's just like, you're kind of zoomed in on the fire making, you know? I know, but yeah, there's not like a uniform look to this game, even in the various, um, you know, mini games. Like, there's not like, there's not a way to describe this. Because sometimes even like the backgrounds are very detailed and other times it's just like

40:03 two colors. Yeah, I mean, it does in some way feel like maybe like a different person worked on each mini game and they didn't share assets for some of them or something. Like, you know, the fire making, yeah, you're right. The background of the fire making looks like, like a contra background. It's like textured. And then some, like, then the other one is like all these like weird gradient lines. And I think they both look great. But like, they do look different.

40:27 I'm not, I'm just not sure how to describe that. But I know in the past we've said like, it looks like it was drawn in MS Paint. Uh, which is like more of a, you know, reference point for us. But I wonder if there's like an actual term used to describe that kind of thing. Because it's just like, there are certain times where it just like, doesn't look as good as we've seen NES games look.

40:48 But not because of like a fidelity kind of standpoint. Or like, oh, they just had to, they weren't able to, uh, you know, use the sprites because they were using too much of the palette. It's like, it's not that kind of thing. It's just a weird, awkward, like, I think about the dinosaur race one, the one we didn't cover. And it's like, you just totally like the art direction.

41:07 Yeah. But the background in that is fantastic. Like, it's a really cool, like with the sun and the various lines. And it's like pretty simple when you think about it, but like, it comes off well for the NES. Like, it looks like other NES things.

41:19 And then like the dinosaur in the dinosaur vault just doesn't look like it belongs on an NES. I mean, I do think, I agree with you that like, they look weirdly like disjointed from each other. But I think like pretty much, I like the way all the games look. I think they all have like a good look. Like, I don't get that Microsoft paint thing that I've gotten with a lot of other games for most of this.

41:43 I guess the closest one that like makes me think of that is like the way your characters themselves look in the mate toss. But like, or maybe the pole vaulting too a little bit, but like, yeah, I don't, I think that they look not like congruent with each other, but they do still look good to me. Maybe that's like a new top tier insult. You just tell people, you know, you look like you were drawn in MS paint. I love it. You don't look congruent to me. I love it.